False Burden of Perfection

False Burden of Perfection


I have noticed many women have been carrying an unnecessary burden. It’s a self inflicted and self imposed burden to be “perfect.” And it’s not the traditional understanding or definition of perfection. It’s a skewed and surreal method of reinvention at the request of various people at various stages. It’s not the same as people pleasing a little similar but more damaging because with each failure or shortcoming strips a piece of the mental, physical, social, and familial stability.


I see it happen over and over again with women for men. He says, “I want a woman who is going somewhere.” So she goes to school, joins a social club, works hard for a promotion, etc. Then he cheats with a chick who stays home all day and doesn’t work or does some menial work and you’re confused like, “why her?” That experience gets filed, so the next man comes along you quit the social groups, clock out on time, and stop hanging with the girls and he starts spending time with a chick who is a Director, President of the League, and has a non-profit. Go Figure! Then reinvention happens again because maybe this guy was better than the last guy and it is assumed that “this guy” is the guy I really want or should have because he does this or that. Then we become frustrated perfecting each area from previous experiences or the experiences of our friends and secretly trade for love for lust. “if I can’t get ‘Love’ I’ll settle for lust.”Some attention is better than none. And the guys you want, you know what they want so you exchange that for affection, attention, and whatever else he is willing to give up.


So various experiences, conversations, and images form our ideas of what we “have to be” to be happy. And our happiness is limited to who we are in a relationship with. Man or woman we allow expectations and demands to be placed on us…..Gotta be model thin, gotta have to have long hair, gotta be dressed a certain way, gotta look a certain way, gotta be down to have any kind of sex, gotta be strong, gotta go with me everywhere I go, gotta cook, gotta work, gotta pay for it ….STOP!


It’s almost amusing to hear women sit around each other and say what has to be done to have a man or keep a man home. And the responsibility is almost always left on the woman to do something. We forget that any kind of relationship be it boyfriend, husband, friends, or siblings require TWO people. Which means you could be everything you need to be, but if the other person is lacking it will still come up short. I recall a male friend of mine saying to me, “1+1 has to equal 2. If you are not getting 2 something is wrong with ‘the one’”.


What you respect is what you attract, and where you sow is where you’ll reap. If you spend your energy on your looks, and bedroom activities, then you’ll attract a man that wants that. And he will only come for what was advertised especially if you keep giving free samples just for stopping by and taking a look.


Stop rearranging yourself to appear as the perfect candidate. Do you even know what you are signing up for. It’s like competing to win and you have no idea what the prize is, you just want to be the winner. So you train hard and work hard to compete and your prize is only a snack pack! Be the person you enjoy seeing and being around. If you like nails wear them, if you don’t, DON’T. If you don’t have butt don’t get one installed, enjoy whatever tissue God gave you. Be true to you and be at peace with yourself, stop trying to live up to these imaginary standards. Truth is the people you are reinventing yourself for, is hoping they could find perfection in you because they too are lacking confused and often IMPOSTERS. They are stuck in fantasyland and expect you to make it their reality.