To Pervert – by definition is to lead astray, turn away from the right course, to turn to an improper use or to misapply something. To distort, misinterpret or misunderstand, or to bring to a less excellent state.
When we think of perverts the first come thing that comes to mind are child molesters, peeping toms, porn creeps, and overtly sexual explicit people. However if we clearly read the definition we see that a pervert can be anyone who leads astray, improperly uses or misapplies something, someone that misinterprets or misunderstand someone, or someone that brings something to a less excellent state.
So a pervert extends beyond just sexual perversion, but it can be relational, financial, social, economical, political, spiritual, and so on.
When we think of perverts and perversion, we have to talk about the where the origins of perversion come from. Remember in Genesis when the serpent began to talk to the woman? She had a conversation with the serpent in which he perverted the use of the tree. God told them not to eat from it, because eating from it was not the proper use for it for Adam and Eve. However the serpent came along, and perverted the use of the tree and told Eve that it was good enough to eat. The oppositional spirit of Satan forces people to take something meant for proper use and through persuasion and influence use it for an improper use or bring something meant for a higher purpose and debase it.
After reading 2 Samuel 13, there are few things to look out for to recognize perverts.
1. Watch out of people that attach themselves to your innocence or the innocence of your children. Ask questions.
To be a virgin meant Tamar was pure, set aside, and clean. People with pure hearts are sought out by perverts. Perverts want from others what they themselves don’t have. Amnon was a grown man and was not a virgin, yet he wanted Tamar because she was one.2. Watch for people that become obsessed with you.
Amnon was so obsessed with Tamar that it made him sick. Unhealthy obsession is the mentality of a pervert. They have misinterpreted or misunderstood the appropriate type of relationship. When a person’s world is consumed with the actions, attention, personage, and possessions of another they are exhibiting signs of a pervert.
3. Watch out for the company people keep.
Jonadab was known as a trickster and he an Amnon were good friends. In order to be a good friend with someone who is known for doing wrong, you at some point have to participate or at least condone the behavior. If all of their friends are liars, cheaters, selfish, gold diggers, pretenders, and thieves, then what do you expect of them.
4. Watch out for people who get what they want and still are not happy.
When a baby cries for something, if you give them what they want then they are satisfied and stop crying. Perverts pretend they want something just to get your attention. But are never really honest enough with themselves and others to admit what they really want.
Amnon told his father he wanted Tamar to fix him something to eat because he was sick. After she prepared the meal and gave it to him. He refused to eat. Didn’t he say he was hungry and wanted Tamar to feed him? If indeed that was the issue, he would have ate the meal when it was prepared. What he really wanted was to have sex with her, not eat from her.
Be careful when you give people what they want and they are still not satisfied. You give them power, respect, money, time, acknowledge them, lose weight, spend more time at home, and so on, yet they are still not satisfied. You give them what they ask for and they refuse to participate in the very thing they said they wanted. That is another sign of a pervert.
5. Perverts don't really care about protocol, the rules, or what is right.
If a person consistently disregards what is at the very least morally sound, then be cautious of that person’s intentions. When someone wants to avoid leadership, family, close friends, and places, that person is most likely hiding something they don’t want revealed.
Tamar begged Amnon not to shame her by taking her virginity. If he cared anything about her he would at least respected the moral obligation to her, their family, and nation. He was indeed the King’s son and Tamar was the King’s daughter. She could have been the prize of the nation that was used to make alliance with another nation. However, Amnon did not care about protocol or what the greater good or how his actions would affect others. He was only concerned with his desires and how it benefitted him.
6. Watch out for people who want to force their way in your life or on you.
There is a saying that is used, “you cannot force someone to love you.” This is true in any type of relationship. People who become overbearing and forceful with their affection, attention, possessions, and relationship are exhibiting signs of a pervert. This person has a greater and maybe even unhealthy desire to be a part of your life.Be it psychological, mental, financial, social, or spiritual be very cautious. Not only is it unhealthy but in some cases it can escalate and become dangerous as with Tamar. When he made his advance she tried to plead with him to reason, when she didn’t cooperate, he forced his way on her. When a person who is perverting a relationship doesn’t get what he/she wants or thinks they want in return, the person will act out and in most cases causes harm.
It is very important that we understand how to identify where people are perverting relationships to help avoid some of the many issues we have faced. Many people have deep wounds and serious issues with trust, love, and esteem because a pervert has violated them in some way and like Tamar, made them trade in their garments of pretty colors for mourning clothes.
It is my prayer that as God heals you from your past hurts, and you regain your pretty colors, that is LIFE – joy, love, trust, peace, happiness, faith, tenacity, will, and drive. I also pray that you in turn do not become a pervert (hurting people often hurt people) and you are able to keep a watchful eye to avoid further occurrences.